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But I Don't Want To!

Isaiah 55:9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Have you ever watched a toddler have a meltdown? Maybe you were in a grocery store or a restaurant. Maybe it was at a family gathering or at church. Maybe it was your toddler! It happens to every parent and every toddler at some point. When a child doesn’t get their way, the world around them seems to turn completely upside down. Whining can turn into crying and screaming then kicking and hitting. The child cannot express what they are feeling and have no idea how to move past it; so, they fall apart. And it isn’t just toddlers, it’s children and teenagers and young adults and older ones too. We all want to get what we want when we want it and we don’t do well when things are out of our control. Sometimes life is hard.

My friend Lukas, age seven, was having a hard time today when we went to the zoo. He didn’t want sunscreen as we set out at the hottest part of the day. He didn’t want to change out of his wet clothes after our time at the splash park. He didn’t want to eat, he wanted to play. “But I don’t want to!” he whined. Each time things felt out of his control, he was tempted to meltdown and fall apart. Sometimes he did.

This past week, I felt like a child who couldn’t control her emotions. I threw an internal temper tantrum. And then cried. And then got angry. And later, I even screamed. I couldn’t put words to what I was feeling so I felt lost and confused. I lost my long-distance therapist due to changes in out-of-state client policies this week and I had a meltdown. I cried out to God, “But I don’t want to! It’s not fair! This stinks.” I was sad and frustrated and uneasy. Suddenly, someone who has helped me over the last four and a half years and blessed me with coping strategies to deal with my hardest moments was being taken away from me. “What is God doing?” I thought to myself. And then I remembered that He knows better than I do.

I’m not in control. I may want to be. I may even think I am. But I’m not. God is in control, and He is trustworthy. He is the One who saw me through my highs and my lows. He is the One who gave me the courage to go to therapy in the first place and then blessed me with an amazing therapist. He’s done it before and He’ll do it again. One of my favorite sayings that my therapist taught me was, “Life is hard and I can do hard things.” Sometimes things do get hard and we can’t control them, but God’s ways are much better than our own. I know that God has not brought me this far to leave me and friend, He hasn’t brought you this far to leave you either. He is in control. He is trustworthy. His thoughts are higher than your thoughts. His ways are higher than your ways. Trust Him.


God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

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